I think my conscience just kicked me in the stomach.

Major gut check today. Am I doing my job with integrity?

The answer, my friends, is... "Lately, not so much."

Ouch. It hurts to admit it. But thankfully, I didn't have to figure it out the really bad way, which would've been getting reprimanded (or worse) by my boss. Instead, as I sat in a meeting where we were discussing my goals for this year and my accomplishments last year, I just found myself thinking, "Gee, I could be doing a lot more to support my department. I should be doing a lot more."

Now, it's not like I'm just never working or getting things done. But I realized how very NOT proactive I am when it comes to doing all the things I know my job should entail. Instead I find myself often waiting idly to be asked or told to do something, even if it's something I know I could easily start working on before being asked. I also (Mom's gonna cringe at this admission) play around on the internet during work hours a little more than the allowable "break time" here and there. I mean, granted, I'm a multi-tasker and am able to get work done while simultaneously sending a tweet or skimming someone's blog (I spend a lot of time, for example, waiting for stuff to load when I arrange travel), but as I look around my desk right now and see how very disorganized it is, I feel kind of guilty.

I'm so ridiculously, unbelievably blessed to have this job that allows me to live in such a beautiful city, where I can be close to my boyfriend, and rest easy knowing I have benefits and health insurance and I'm making enough to pay my bills and buy groceries. I need to be a better steward of this blessing God has given me, even if it's not the most fun job I could imagine myself doing, or something I plan on doing for the next 20 years (oh Lord, please don't make me work a desk job for 20 years)... And, the bottom line is, I can only skate by with minimal effort for so long before I do get into trouble for it. I know that I can be a hard worker, and I want to live up to the praise I've received from bosses and coworkers who've commended me and thanked me for joining the company at a time when they were really lacking in sufficient administrative support.

And that is why I am writing this blog post on my lunch break. Because I've been working my tail off all morning to get my act together and be a better employee.

But just a little side note...God? If you ever feel like dropping an opportunity in my lap like: "Here, work at this preschool for the same amount you're making now! Play with kids all day instead of warping your brain and eyeballs in front of the computer for 40+ hours a week." ...Yeah, I'd take it. In approximately 2.7 seconds. And on that note...whenever you feel like pointing me in the direction of a career path that would help me feel like I didn't blow 100 grand on my college education for nothing, that might be cool, too.